Southport Magazine

What: Foster/Adoptive Parent Training
When: Thursdays, April 25th – July 25th
6 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Where: Department of Social Services
60 Government Center Dr., Bolivia
Cost: Free!
Info: (910) 253-2112 • www.brunsco.net
e-mail: tjones@brunsco.net

Greg and Mikaela Schabarum spent many years trying to have biological children. For a couple looking to grow their family, the process of trials can be trying, and failure is heartbreaking.

Yet when good friends became foster parents, the Schabarums thought they might be on to something. “We talked to them on numerous occasions about their experiences,” Mikaela shares. “After much discussion, we decided that we had something to offer the children in DSS custody.”

Currently the Brunswick County DSS (Department of Social Services) has 157 children in foster care. “We currently have 16 licensed foster/adoptive homes,” Tamela Jones, a DSS social worker responsible for licensing and placement, tells. “We are in need of more foster/adoptive homes so our children will be able to stay in their own community and attend their own schools. Unfortunately, since we do not have enough foster homes, our children are being placed outside of Brunswick County as far away as Pender, Onslow and Columbus counties. We are asking Brunswick County citizens to open their hearts and homes for our foster children.”

The ultimate goal of DSS is to reunite children with their birth parents, because kids do best with their own families.

“When we receive a report of abuse, neglect or dependency, and the report is substantiated, social workers work closely with birth families providing services that are needed for children to  remain in the home if at all possible,” Tamela explains. “If DSS has to take custody of a child, the social workers work in partnership with the birth family to develop a case plan to help them resolve issues so the child can return home.”

In the meantime, foster families can offer the love and support desperately needed to uplift a hurting child. While the background story is always different, the children in DSS custody still have the same hopes, dreams, fears and needs as any other child.

Every potential foster or adoptive family must start with 30-hour training for each person 21 years or older in the home, as everyone will play a part in supervising and caring for the child at some point during the foster stay. In Brunswick County, free classes are offered as part of the Model Approach to Partnership in Parenting (MAPP).

“MAPP training is a mutual selection process for potential families to assess if fostering-to-adopt is a good fit for their family, and for DSS to assess how we can assist families to become successful foster/adoptive parents,” Tamela details.  “MAPP training, along with home assessments, is designed to enable families to develop the knowledge and skills to assist them in meeting the child’s needs.”

Training covers such topics as how to parent foster children and how to be a mentor to the birth family. The next 10-week training period will run each Thursday night from April 25th through July 25th. Each class will be held at the Department of Social Services (60 Government Center Dr., Bolivia). A full schedule of class topics is available online at www.brunsco.net/Departments/CommunityServices/SocialServices.aspx

“We look for foster/adoptive homes that can best meet the needs of the child while in the process of finding placement,” Tamela continues. “We also take in consideration if the placement is a good match for the foster/adoptive family. We encourage families to assess what age they are most comfortable in parenting while in MAPP training. Our goal in making a good match for both the child and the foster family is to help reduce the child’s trauma from being moved multiple times.”

The Schabarums’ fostering experience, as required, began with MAPP training. “The classes were informational, and we made some really good friends in the training,” Mikaela recalls. “The group became a good source of support for one another during the training—and when all of us in the class began to have children placed with us.”

Since completing the program, the Schabarums have had several children and teens placed with them. “When each child has left our home, we have typically taken a short break to reconnect as a couple and recharge our batteries,” the foster mother concedes. “We have also had many discussions if fostering is the right thing for us, because it can be physically and emotionally draining. However, each and every time we have decided that we should continue to foster, as it is the right thing for us as a couple and for the children we have had in our home.”

Mikaela says the children they’ve fostered assimilated into the new environment well. “While there are always adjustments and hiccups in bringing a new person into the home, everyone has adjusted rather quickly,” she assures. “Like any family, there are happy and hopeful times, and other times that are marked by stress, disappointment and heartache. But we always come back to fostering. It is really rewarding when a child can go home to their parents or relatives, and you know that you were part of the solution to that family reuniting.”

In Tamela’s years placing foster children, she agrees the process—and the results—is gratifying. “It is a rewarding experience when children and their parents are reunited, knowing that you have helped a family to overcome obstacles so they can better parent and safely care for their children,” she tells. “When children are not able to return to their family, it is a joyous time when a foster family adopts a child and becomes the child’s ‘forever’ family.”

Currently Greg and Mikaela have two children placed in their home. “Even with all the added responsibilities of having an infant and teen living with us, we find that we get so much more from the children than they do from us,” Mikaela shares. “We love them very, very much.”

With each foster experience, the Schabarums learn even more about themselves as individuals and as a couple—which is likely a benefit of fostering they never could have imagined.

“The most rewarding part of fostering is the joy we get from the wonderful children we have in our lives,” Mikaela concludes. “They have taught us so much: how to think of others beyond ourselves; the joy you can get from watching a child grow; how strong you can be when disappointed and how you can recover from heartache; and, finally what unconditional love truly is. We are simply better people when we have children in our lives.”